Fathers...

Recently I completed reading the book Courageous.  I saw the movie when it first came out but felt the need to read the book as well. I am truly grateful that I have a ‘Courageous father’. Fathers in today’s society truly are a dying breed. In both the book and the movie the author provides some very interesting facts. This sent me on a quest to see just how much of an influence a father has on his family. For instance “63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes. That’s 5 times the national average.” (SOURCE: U.S. Dept of Health) This is one fact that immediately caught my attention. It shocked me to discover that while teen suicides do occur, 63% of them occur with no fatherly presence in the household. The next fact really came as no surprise to me since I remember reading something close to it within the book Courageous. “85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes. 20 times the national average.” (SOURCE: U.S. Dept. of Justice) If that isn’t a shocker to you fellow bloggers then this next fact shouldn’t be either. “71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 9 times the national average.” (SOURCE: National Principals Association Report) DadsWorld.com sums it up when they say “Children with involved Fathers are more confident, better able to deal with frustration, better able to gain independence and their own identity, more likely to mature into compassionate adults, more likely to have a high self esteem, more sociable, more secure as infants, less likely to show signs of depression, less likely to commit suicide, more empathetic, boys have been shown to be less aggressive and adolescent girls are less likely to engage in sex."

 

I never truly understood how grateful I was to have the father that I have until I finished reading the book. My father was willing to take time to make sure that I grew up with the understanding that even in the times when it seemed like no one cared, God always did. More importantly my father gave time to me, which is a very important factor in the life of a child. I remember almost all of the times my dad let me participate in “take your child to work days”. In one instance I recall that my job for the day was to organize some folders for him alphabetically. I thought I did a fantastic job; the only problem was I was organizing the folders by the first letter only, never bothering to look at the second or third letter to truly make the folders “alphabetically organized”. I also remember quite a few times that me and my father would go and get doughnuts from the local bakery. I would get so upset when some of my other siblings wanted to come along, because I considered it ‘our time’. There are so many memories that I have with me and my father. Everything from his involvement in my local Cub Scout and Boy Scout troop, and all the camp outs we went on together; to all the times where we would take the recycling to the town recycling area. My father taught me so many things growing up and before I get into the main portion of this blog post, I just want to point out some of the little things. My father taught me how to mow our yard by pushing the lawn mower with me because it was too heavy for me to push on my own. He eventually taught me how to mow with a riding lawnmower by letting me sit on the mower and just drive it around. That may not seem like much too some people but it made a huge difference to me. Eventually my father also took the time to teach me how to drive a car, and how to be responsible while doing it. I’m sure there were plenty of times in which I scared my father with my driving, and I’m sure that there are still times in which I scare him. It’s the little things that my father did while I was growing up that made me into the person I am today. One of the main points that my father taught me is actually the whole point and basis for this post. In both the book and movie Courageous, the main character comes up with a ‘resolution’ to set the standard for being a father. As I read I found out that the resolution did a lot more then set the ‘standard’, it actually is a challenge to all the fathers of the world, to not become men of this world, but to become the role models of their homes.

The first line of the resolution reads; “I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.” I believe that my father lives by this line. He truly accepts responsibility for my spiritual life and all the events that happen within it. It’s not just my spiritual life that he takes responsibility for; he takes responsibility for the spiritual life of my mother and siblings as well. In both the movie and the book, Adam (the main character) delivers this awesome speech in which he challenges an entire congregation of fathers to live courageously. One of the lines that stuck out to me was “You don’t have to ask who will guide my family, because by God’s grace, I will.” My father drove us to church every Sunday; I believe it was his way of making sure that God was a part of our lives at least once a week.

The next three lines within the resolution read; “I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me. I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.” At first glance it may not seem that my father is the spiritual leader of our home, as a matter of fact it may seem that no one is. But for me when I look deeper I can see that it was my father who was always reading books to improve himself, the way he lived his life, and his presence within the household. For those reasons alone I feel that he is truly the spiritual leader of our home. I know for me I’ve seen him through the tough times and the easy times. But no matter what I’ve seen him love my mother, protect his children, and continue to bless his family no matter what troubles we found ourselves in.

” I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy. I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.” All of my life I have had a respect for authority and would like to be able to say that I lived responsibly but still had fun. I know that respect and honor for authority can seem hard to come by these days but through my father I learned that the honor for authority will bring honor back to me and the man who taught me that lesson; my father. My father is also one of the kindest men I know. He will go out of his way for practically anyone. He shows compassion as often as he can (just make sure you turn those taxes in on time) and has given respect to everyone even if he doesn’t like them personally. Let me also say that many times growing up I have wronged my father. Yet all of the times he found out about it, his punishment was fair and just, but more importantly he always forgave me. I know that every time he apologized when he felt that he had been a little too harsh on me. Each time he would ask me to forgive him, sometimes it was hard to do, and over time I would. But that is my error not his. My father constantly works to provide for the needs of the family. Even though two of his sons have moved out, he still has a daughter (who is about to leave) and a son that live within the home. He is merciful man.

“I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.” Even though I may paint my father to be this perfect man, he’s not. He has his share of mistakes just like everyone else, but what makes him different than many other men is the fact that he learns from his mistakes. My father really does walk with integrity and knows that one day he will have to answer to God. Even though my father does not personally own this resolution (yet) he lives it daily, and because of that I believe he brings glory to God.

 

Dad,

            I know that your birthday is just around the bend. I’ve been thinking of what to do for it since I’m over 800 miles away and won’t be there for it this year. I’m sorry that I’m going to miss it, like I said I’ve been thinking about what to get you or what to say. I’ve had a few conversations with some of the young fathers here in the barracks and it hit me that I’ve never actually told you ‘thank you’ for the role model that you’ve been to me growing up. The influence that you’ve had on my life has shaped me into the person I am today. So dad I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you as not only a fatherly figure to others, but as my dad. I know that we have our differences sometimes, but that will never change the fact that you are my father, and that you are the one that helped raise me. I hope you have a good birthday and I hope you get the chance to read this before the celebration. I ordered something for you today, but of course in the small instance that you do read this before your birthday I won’t share what it is that I bought you. However I will give you a few instructions for when you get it. Please sign it and hang it up somewhere in the house where it can serve as a constant reminder for you and the rest of the family that you are indeed the spiritual leader of our home. Thanks dad for taking the time to read all the way down to this part, and thanks for being a great father. 

 

Sincerely,

Your son Joel

As for the rest of you in the blogging world of course like always thank you for taking the time to read! I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted but I’ve been searching for the right topic, and I think I nailed this one on the head for the most part. As always please remember that there is only 1Way2Live and that’s for Christ! Catch you all later!

 

 

Bullying

So recently in FCA we've been talking about Bullying and I showed this video to the group. The responce has been far greater than I thought it was going to be...

Bucket List

So I got this fantastic idea to create my bucket list before the year ended. Here are the top 75 things that I want to do before I "kick the bucket." I challenge you my fellow bloggers to post the top 25 things (or more) that are on your bucket list! Different people mean different views and ideas. Here's mine:

1.      Create a well for fresh water in a third world country

2.      Help out in the Peace Corp.

3.      Help build a church in Africa

4.      Visit Africa

5.      Top 200 mph

6.      Save a Life

7.      Start a church

8.      Buy a helicopter through the church for mission trips

9.      Hike the Continental Divide

10.   Hike the Appalachian Mountains.

11.  Visit every state

12.  Visit all the major National Parks

13.  Attend the World Series

14.  Write a book

15.  Bring at least one person to Christ

16.  Start a blog

17.  Pilot a plane

18.  Discover a cure for a disease

19.  Become the President of FCA

20.  Lead a large Christian activity

21.  Record my own music CD

22.  Make it on the TIME’s Top 100 Most Influential People list

23.  Visit Bethlehem

24.  Broadcast with ESPN

25.  Star in a movie

26.  Drive a NASCAR stock car

27.  Save a forest

28.  Have a road named after me

29.   Play at Pebble Beach

30.  Play in a PGA event

31.  Have lunch with John Maxwell

32.  Have dinner with Francis Chan

33.  Become a pastor

34.  Play golf in December

35.  Have lunch with Max Lucado

36.  Discuss religion with Gabe Lyons

37.  Meet Bill Cosby

38.  Wrestle an alligator

39.  Explore the Amazon

40.  Empty an Adoption shelter

41.  Compete in a Triathlon

42.  Compete in the Boston Marathon

43.  Go water skiing

44.  Climb Mt. Everest

45.  Save the World

46.  Inspire someone

47.  Get a Hole in One

48.   Host Saturday Night Live

49.  Get married

50.  Get shot and live

51.  Stop a bank robbery

52.  Ride an old railway

53.  Live in a cabin secluded from the world

54.  Learn to fly fish

55.  Spend SEVEN DAYS IN UTOPIA!!!

56.  Star in a Sherwood Pictures Film

57.  Learn fencing

58.  Ride in a hot air balloon

59.  Participate in a 365 day challenge of something

60.  Learn to cook

61.  Learn an instrument

62.  Attend an opera

63.  Learn 6 different dances

64.  Feed an elephant

65.  Visit the African Safari

66.  Discover a new bird

67.  Scuba Dive on the Barrier Reef

68.  Ride a bull

69.  Repel down a canyon

70.  Ride a motorcycle across the United States

71.  Be in 0 gravity

72.  Bring one child back to their parents that has been missing

73.  Compete in the Missouri 340 River Race

74.  Drive the entire Route 66

75.  Rebuild a Tucker car to do #74

Seven Days in Utopia

            “How can a game have such an effect on a man’s soul?” This was the opening line to a movie I recently saw called Seven Days in Utopia. The movie was based on the life of Luke Chisholm who is an avid professional golfer. In the movie Luke has a metal breakdown while playing golf at a tournament to qualify for the Texas Open. In his anger and frustration Luke finds himself at a fork in the road while driving home. Its Luke’s decision to make a right hand turn that ultimately changes the course of his life, forever. After Luke wrecks his car he finds himself in the care of a stranger named Johnny, in a place called Utopia. It’s here in Utopia where Luke begins to find his “game” again through the help of former PGA golfer and mentor Johnny. Through those seven days Luke encounters several different lessons for golf. In the end though Luke finally surrenders control of his own life to a higher power and begins a fresh start in his golfing career. After reading the book and seeing the movie, I couldn’t help but think how some of the lesson’s Luke learned don’t only apply to golf but to my life as well.
            Conviction; this was Luke’s first lesson. I laughed this entire chapter of the book, because I couldn’t stop thinking of my writing journal. The entire chapter and part of the movie, Luke focused on “whys?” “Why do I hold my club this way?” Why do I stand the way I do? I couldn’t help but think of the purpose of the personal reflection section of the writing journal is really to focus on the “whys” of my life. Why I am the way I am? Why I made that decision and what effect it had?

            The second lesson Luke learned was about controlling one’s own emotions. See in golf if you let emotion win over a bad shot then the whole round is lost. It takes control to let the bad shot go and not fret over it to be able to continue playing that round and do a great job. This doesn’t apply just to golf though, if we let emotions win over bad decisions in our lives then we begin to dwell in the past all the while forgetting that life doesn’t stop for us. If we learn to control our emotions and not let life get to us, then the world might become a better place. Suicide rates would go down, homicides and crime would follow. In my life I try to control my emotions daily and not let the little things bug me. I’m not saying that I’m perfect, I’m actually far from it, but I am saying that we should all strive to be better.

            Luke’s next lesson involved painting a picture, the basis behind the painting was to take a step back and look at the big picture. To truly see the beauty within life sometimes all we have to do is stop and take a step backward. Then we need to ask ourselves is this really the road I want to head down. This lesson tied back to controlling the emotions, if we let emotions run our live then we will never head down the right path to happiness. I believe this is the reason behind the Round River Journals in T. Millers class. Sitting out in nature for an hour allows for stress and anxiety to disappear, and ultimately allows for one to look at the big picture.

            Breaking tradition was the next lesson. In golf traditions are sacred, however every once in a while an athlete or a company will break that tradition to form a new one. It’s because of the breaking of tradition that athletes or equipment become better. In history and life there have been many traditions. For instance the idea that the father worked while the mother stayed at home and did the chores, now the women workforce has increased and less and less mothers are staying home. I remember a commercial in which the advertisers posed a question “what if we had settled for the first of everything?” they then preceded to flash images of ‘first’ things, like the first radio, first car, etc. The world would definitely be a different place if we had settled for “firsts”, just like the world would be different if we didn’t challenge and break traditions. There would be no Rock and Roll, and we’d all still be ruled by a king. Personally I’m glad that our ancestors pushed the limits of their traditions.
            One of the last lessons Johnny taught Luke was how to prepare for emergencies. In golf sometimes we find ourselves in less than ideal conditions or locations. A skilled golfer will use these problems to his advantage, and that’s what Johnny wanted to teach Luke. In life we are often faced with decisions that seem less than ideal. We can complain about the situation or we can put forth our best and use the condition to our advantage. Luke learned that to prepare for emergencies he had to apply what he had learned earlier.
            “See it. Feel it. Trust it.” That was the main idea that Johnny wanted to teach Luke. See the big picture and weigh the options. Imagine how the swing or decision will feel. Then trust it. Trust that you made the right decision and see the decision through to the end. As a reminder to do all three before each swing, Johnny proceeds to write SFT on Luke’s ball. Each time Luke gets ready to take a swing he is reminded to see it, feel it and trust it. In life when we make a hard decision it’s very easy to not commit to it, which results in failure on our part, because we did not follow through. Never second guess, and don’t live in the past.

            I’ve taken what I’ve learned from both the book and the movie and have begun to apply it to my own life. At first I thought it was going to be difficult but now I realize that I had already been doing most of that to begin with. The new concept of SFT to me was new though. Now all my golf balls are marked with it as a reminder to live out those words. Now to answer the question “how can one game have such an impact on a man’s soul?” Let the game control you and you will lose against it. Control the game, and you will control your fate. Such a simple concept, yet so hard to live. At the end of both the book and the movie, Johnny has Luke bury some of his lies; lies that Luke had based his life on. Some were “My golf scores are a reflection of my self-worth… Failure in golf is failure in life… The opinions of others are paramount in the choices I make… Tradition is sacred and never meant to be changed.” After reading over his entire list I decided to look at my own life and see if I could make a list. I put a lot of thought into it and finally came out with a list that was ironically similar to Luke’s list. I believed that a failing grade was failing at life. I believed that you are not to challenge tradition.  I also believed that the opinion of others was far more significant than what I thought of myself. A failing grade on a test or piece of homework I now realize is not failing at life. If I continue to get the same grade on other assignments it’s only a failure at study habits, which can be changed and improved upon.  Tradition is meant to be changed, and it’s meant to be challenged. Man would never have been able to fly if it weren’t for a challenge in tradition. If I believe differently then somebody else then I’m going to challenge them and the way they think in an attempt to change their mind. While I do love my friends and the advice they give me, sometimes it’s better for me to be myself. Influence is good most of the time except the times when the influence is intended to make me become the person they want. From here on out it’s my life. 100 years isn’t all that long, the big question for me was whether or not I was going to be in charge of it or let somebody else run my life for me.

            “How can a game have such an effect on a man’s soul?” How can one person’s opinion affect your life? How can one bad relationship ruin all the others? They can’t. It’s a matter of choice. I can choose to let that one bad comment ruin my day or I can listen to the other 5 compliments that I got and enjoy my day. The decision is mine. My decision is final. I’m taking back my life from outside influences and placing it within the hands that I know I can trust. My decisions will affect how my life goes, not somebody else’s decisions for me. My life is no longer a golf score that I’m trying to birdie; my life is what I make of it.

"Doorknobs"

            I don’t think I will ever be able to put this book down and stop using it as examples for my writing journal. I love this book, 97 by Justin Lookadoo. I read his outlook on doorknobs, and I have to say I will probably never look at them the same. I mean seriously who would ever take the time to stop and think about a doorknob.

            “I think the doorknob is the most underrated part of the whole house. In fact, if I could be any part of a building, I would want to be the door handle. I bet there are a lot of knobs and handles that are pretty upset. They are sitting around waiting to see what part of a building or a home they will be, and the builder is like, ‘you…you’re a doorknob.’ Can’t you just imagine some of the reactions? ‘Oh, c’mon, man! A doorknob? Dude, I have so much more to offer than just a doorknob. Just take another look. Give me a shot. How ‘bout a hi-def TV? I could do that. Too much to ask? Okay, how about a table? Stick some legs on me and I’ll make a killer table.’ ‘Nope you’re a door handle.’ Seems like a little bit of a downer. Oh, but no. Door handles control the world. Don’t believe me? Then think of a world with zero door handles and zero knobs. You wake up tomorrow and they have all disappeared. You get up to go to the bathroom and you can’t get in. the door is shut and there is no knob. You go to the store and you push the door right open without a problem. But when you try to leave, problem-there’s no handle. You have to wait for someone to come in and push it open so you can sneak out before it closes.”

            I never thought about that. Door knobs and door handles are extremely important. We take so many things for granted that it’s hard to remember a lot of the small stuff. Like well I’m thankful for a house and a family and a car, but do we ever take the time to be thankful for having a door handle, or even a door. I know my door is the only thing between an open invitation into my home and privacy. Or walls, do we ever take the time to be thankful for the walls that keep our home up and give us an even bigger sense of privacy from members of our own family. How about light? I’m so thankful for light. I mean there are people out there that in order to get light have to spend countless minutes rubbing two sticks together to make a fire. All I have to do is get up and go flip a switch.

One of the big things have a problem with is voting. Here we are in America, the land of the free. We get to vote in elections to determine who rules over us. Yet a large majority of the population chooses not to. Do we know how many people would kill to be able to vote and determine the way their government was run? Yet we throw away our voter registration cards, because we don’t have enough time to go out of our way and have a say in the way our nation is ran.

Oh how glorious it must be to be a door knob. It’s probably the single most important used tool in the entire house. Some may argue that a fridge is more important. Let me ask them this then, what if your fridge breaks down and you need a guy to come and fix it. How is he going to get into the home, through a window? No, through the front door of course! In order to open that door one must first turn the…doorknob. The same situation would apply for a furnace, or a washer/dryer system. Let me also pose this question to the ones who still argue that a fridge is far superior to a doorknob. How would you ever get into that fridge if there were no door handle? It would be quite the task, and quite entertaining to watch. Oh the glories of being a doorknob. To all you doorknobs out there, we salute you and your glorious power to be locked for safety and opened for publicity. Here’s to you Mr. Doorknob keep on doing your job!

"Gate #32....."

      
              There are so many stories in the book 97: Random thoughts about Life, Love, and Relationships by Justin Lookadoo. I found one about Justin boarding a plane. “I was going through airport security with my skydiving rig. I had it packed in a bag-for some reason people get nervous when you hop on a plane with a parachute strapped to your back, so I packed it up. Now the way the reserve parachute is rigged up, it looks like a bomb in the X-ray machine. There’s always a big fuss. It has to be X-rayed several times. And then they will pull it out of the bag to make sure it really is a parachute. I knew it was coming, so I was ready for it.” Here comes the good part. “As I went through the metal detector, I told the lady standing there that the bag the man was about to look at was my parachute. She told me to go tell the guy. So I got his attention and told him about the rig. And in the rudest, most arrogant, jerk-face way he snapped, ‘I know how to do my job. I don’t need you to tell me how to do it.’”

Later on in the story Justin recaps what happened. “This dude just popped off that he knew how to do his job and he didn’t need any help. If he stopped to call someone to check what he saw, then he would look like an idiot. See, your pride is the only thing that can make you an idiot.” He then goes on to explain how confidence is cool, but cockiness is not.

I once heard a line that went “Egotism is the only disease that you can get, that makes other people sick.” I will always remember that line because it’s so very true. If I let my pride or my ego stand in the way all I’m doing is setting myself up for failure, as well as making the people around me sick of me. If all I do is focus on myself then nobody will want to hang out with me because that’s all we’ll talk about is how great I am.

That seems to be one of the main problems in high school is all the egos. The football team thinks they’re better than the cross country runners. The cross country runners think that they are better than the football players. The swimmers think that they’re better than everybody. Everybody thinks that there sport is better than swimming. It’s a never ending cycle. Do we really have so much pride in our sport that we forget that all the sports here at Kearney High School are for the representation of the talent we have as a school district? It seems to me that we have forgotten the big picture and instead have broken it down into smaller pictures that we can focus on individually. There are even different teaching departments that even though they seem to be joking are seriously playing against each other. There are even some posters that announce it. “Thou shall not place any other school work before math.” “You are to place no other subject before science.” Everybody thinks that the things they are interested in are far more important than another person’s interests. While I believe it’s good to have a joking relationship and a competitive lifestyle, sometimes it’s good to place other people first on our priority list. I know back during 8^th and 9^th grade year it was extremely hard for me to become number two and let somebody else become number one. I loved the feeling of being on top. I still do, there is nothing more rewarding that having a great pride in yourself, or the work that you do. It’s when we begin to let the pride blind our eyes that’s when problems start happening. Our friends and family start disliking us because everything we do is for the glory of ourselves. Its one thing to have others lift you up, it’s another to start lifting yourself up.

I know that I was going somewhere with this reflection, but I can’t remember where. Maybe I was just tired of hearing “you would not believe what the football boys just said about running cross country…” or “that shouldn’t even be considered a sport…” Maybe we should all grow up and realize that there are other people out there with different opinions than us!

"Cheater...."

           Yet again I have found myself comparing life to some of the thoughts and questions posed in the book 97 by Justin Lookadoo. This particular section of the book was more of a rhetorical question section. “Have you ever cheated at a game? Maybe you’ve played the game so many times that you know how to win it. Maybe it’s a game where you find a way to cheat so no one knows. At hide-and-seek, do you peek while you’re counting and everyone is finding a place to hide? Do you deal from the bottom when playing cards? Do you abuse the rules so they work best for you?”

He continued on. “How about school? Have you ever cheated at school? Maybe you spent all night watching TV and didn’t study. Maybe your best friend is a genius at math, and she happens to be really nice to you. Maybe she owes you a favor, so you ask if you can see her homework. Or maybe you don’t even ask. Maybe your eyes wander on quizzes. Maybe.”

“Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend? “Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend? What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right? Maybe it was your one shot to be with that guy. Maybe you’ve always liked that girl, and now that you’re dating someone, she’s interested. Maybe it didn’t mean anything because you didn’t love the fling. It was just a one-time thing. Maybe. All of these words can be found in the thesaurus for the words cheat or cheater: burn, con, crook, deceive, defraud, double-cross, dupe, mislead, rip off, scam, swindle, trick, victimize, false, two-faced, hustle, faithless, and treacherous.”

As I read over this page, I couldn’t help but find a situation for each one of these questions. I remember back when me and my oldest brother would play the game Battleship. If he ever guessed the right place for one of the missiles to hit my battleship, I would always tell him “miss” and then move my battleship to a different spot on the map. It was just the way I played. I won’t say that I “didn’t mean to” cheat, because cheating doesn’t happen on its own. Cheating takes an action. Someone has to go out of their way to review the rules, think of a way to bend them, and then they have to act on it. By saying that I didn’t mean to cheat, it’s a whole lie in itself. Cheating is intentional.

There were also several times back during my sophomore year in World History with T. Marshall that I would find a way to bend the rules. On our assignments instead of everybody doing their own individual assignment, we’d work in large groups in an attempt to get the work done faster so that we could use the extra minutes to talk at the end of the hour. The idea of working in groups on an assignment wasn’t the problem. The problem was that every time we did it this way one person would get all the sheets together and write down all the answers on his/her sheet then the group would pass it around and copy down all the answers. There was absolutely no learning or remembering involved. This caused me to get several bad grades on quizzes. Finally I started actually reviewing over the sheets that we got and my grades improved as well.

Relationships are always a prime example of cheating now days. I don’t think the media could go a single day without gossiping about this person accusing that person of cheating on them. That’s all we hear about. Well until today I thought that it was ok to date someone and still have feelings for another person. In short, have feelings for two different people. After reading this page in 97 I understand now that the entire time I was dating that person, and having the same feelings for another I was cheating in my heart and in my mind. I had never looked at it that way, I’m sure glad I realized that now instead of further down the road, perhaps when I am married.